Avalanche
by Fairy wings Cuteo cho chou
Summary: How do Elise and Kaori hold on to their last shread of sanity when they're trapped in a cave with a maniac, a sex starved Englishman, a hyper twelve year old and ALLEGRA! (No squirrels were harmed in the making of this story)
1. Don't do this if youre a hungry squirrel

Disclaimer: We don't own anything. *blows rasberry*  
  
Avalanche.  
  
Chapter one.  
  
As the first rays of sun for the day hit the lodge, most of it's inhabbitants were asleep. Except two.  
  
"DIE!! DIE, YOU STUPID EVIL GREEN BASTARD! WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!?!?!?!?"  
  
"Griff-kun, I'm not sure that yelling at it will make it die,"  
  
"Kaori, what's the point of playing video games if you can't yell insults at it? Anyway, your turn,"  
  
"I'm not sure I'll be any good. . . "  
  
"That's why I'm teaching you how to play, see? Now play," Griff stood up and handed the controller to Kaori. She took it cautiously and soon she was heard through the lodge.  
  
"DIE YOU STUPID EVIL BAKAS DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!" This was an A class mistake as soon a third voice was heard.  
  
"YOU STUPID FUCKING LITTLE JAPANESE BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Psymon ran down the stairs in Love heart boxers and started chasing Kaori around the room for yelling too loud and consequently waking him up. Of course, now he was chasing her, they were making a lot more noise then she was making a moment ago.  
  
"Elise! Zoe! Save meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kaori screamed as she ran through their room. Kaori ran round Elise's bed while Psymon was on the other side.  
  
"Come here, I'm gonna rip your brains out!!" Psymon growled. This woke Elise up.  
  
"Hey, hey!" she said, her hair all over here face but still managing to look like her usually supermodel self. "What the fuck is going on?"  
  
"Here's what's going on, buddy" Psymon yelled. "The day we get married is the day I ship that little brat back to Japan, get the picture? It's me or her,"  
  
By now most of the lodge had gathered at Elise and Zoe's door. Elise yawned and answered,  
  
"Her,"  
  
"What?" Pysmon spluttered.  
  
"H-e-r, her. because 1)she's not as annoying, and 2) we're not getting married." Elise answered, shifting in her bed. "Now, go away,"  
  
"Well, I wouldn't want to marry youy anyway. Get your ass here now, Squeaky!!!!"  
  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Kaori dived under Zoe's bed. Zoe sat up, and looked at Psymon, who was approaching.  
  
"What did she do anyway?" Zoe asked.  
  
"She was screaming and woke me up!" Psymon replied. Zoe rolled her eyes.  
  
"Yeah, God forbid you wake Psymon up when he's having his beauty sleep," Moby said before adding, "not that it does much,"  
  
~*~*~  
  
"JONES!!!!!" was heard through their lodge. Rahzell sat straight up in bed, looked at the clock while listening to the unmistakeable sounds of a chase around the lodge going on. "YOU GET THAT ENGLISH ASS OF YOURS HERE, JONES, AND I'LL SHOVE SOME SCONES UP IT!!!!!"  
  
"MEANT NOTHING BY IT, MATE, REALLY GOT THE WRONG END OF THE STICK-"  
  
"YEAH, AND THE QUEEN MOTHER'S ALIVE!!"  
  
"DON'T YOU DARE DISS MY ROYAL FAMILY, MATE!"  
  
"I'M NOT YOU'RE MATE, JONES!"  
  
"NOT ANYMORE, TOSSER!!!!!!"  
  
Rahzell shook his head. "And it's only seven AM,"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Two hours later, after the daily waking ritual, they were all accounted for at Snow Jam. "Well, this morning dawned bright and early," Viggo stated sarcastically to Allegra, who yawned  
  
"No shit man," She replied tying up her bandana.  
  
"This is nothing I have to get up at five everyday at home-"  
  
"NATE SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" Everyone yelled.  
  
"Ok, gang," Rahzell started. "You want to go out on the course, fine. I will warn you that there has been some unstable activity in the mountain. So, don't break you necks. Except you, Stark, go break your neck if it'll make you happy,"  
  
Moby interjected, "The only thing that makes him happy is his right hand and hand lotion,"  
  
"Don't be a twat, I don't use hand lotion," Psymon replied. Rahzell opened his mouth to say something, but obviously thought better of it as he shook his head and walked away.  
  
"Alright, let's shred some serious snow!" Zoe said. They all picked up their boards, strapped their feet to them and they were off.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Hayley the Squirrel (private joke) was looking for some nuts. Food was hard to find at this time of year, especially as high up in the mountain as she was. She spotted a twig sticking out of the snow and hopped over to it. It was jammed in pretty far. Hoping that it was a stalk of a nut, she tugged on it. It didn't budge, so she pulled harder. It broke free and she landed on her backside. It was a nut, and a big one at that. She picked it up with her little paws and made her way back to her tree. she got to thew base when she heard a great rumbling sound . . . Looking around, she saw that the snow was headed her way. Quickly, she scrambled up the trunk and onto a high branch, still clutching the nut for dear life. More snow passed as it made it's way down the mountain, crushing anything in it's path.  
  
Hayley shrugged and climbed ot a even higher branch to eat her nut.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Elise landed from doing an uber trick when she heard it. She slowed her board down and listened hard. The last time she's heard a noise like that was- no time to think about that.  
  
"Oh shit," she groaned, hoping it wasn't what she thought it was. Slowly, she looked over her shoulder. tons of bright white snow was pelting towards her. "Oh shit!" she yelled. She heard a shout to her left and she whipped her head around. Griff was there, his board stuck on a bolder. "Oh, shit," she groaned again, and rushed over to help the frantic twelve year old. 


	2. When PMS girl attacks

Disclaimer: Don't own them. Get that through your thick skulls aready!  
  
Avalanche  
  
Chapter Two.  
  
"BAKA!"  
  
"FUCKER!"  
  
"BAKA!"  
  
"FUCKER!"  
  
Yes, Psymon and Kaori were having an argument. This time it was about whose fault the fact that Psymon fell on Kaori was. You'd think it was Psymon's, but apparantely not. Do we ever get to find out whose fault it was? No. Why? Because they were interrupted by the 'rude snow'.  
  
"BAK- What's that noise?" Kaori asked.  
  
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, there's a massive avalanche that threatens to engulf us heading our way," Psymon replied.  
  
"WHAT?!?!?!?!" Kaori yelled. Turning around, Psymon found out that he was spot on, and decided to play hero. He grabbed Kaori by the arm and grabbed his board, and ran towards a cave.  
  
"Oi, Smelly! What the hell do you think you are doing?" Kaori yelled as she ran.  
  
"Saving you," Psymon replied.  
  
"SAVING ME?!?!?!? May I remind you that it was only this morning that you wanted to rip my head off?" Kaori screamed as the snow came closer.  
  
"YES, WELL, I'VE SPENT THE LAST THREE YEARS TRYING TO KILL YOU! I AM NOT GOING TO LET SOME LOAD OF SNOW DO IT FOR ME!!!!!!!" Psymon yelled back at her. He pulled her into a fireman's lift and jumped into a cave as the snow rushed past.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Oh yeah, boys, you can start eating my snow anytime now," Allegra yelled as she pulled off a perfect uber trick. she was about to land when-  
  
"OOF!"  
  
Allegra had her back in the soaking wet snow and a very English, very male, and very muscular person was lying on top of her.  
  
"Convienient position we're in," Moby Jones muttered as he raised his head and looked at her.  
  
"Jones, get the fuck off me," Allegra said.  
  
"Do I have to?" he asked.  
  
"YES YOU FUCKING DO, YOU-" She started, but he put a hand over her mouth.  
  
"Do you hear that?" he whispered. Allegra concentrated. She heard a low rumbling noise.  
  
"What is that?" she said in a low whisper. Moby rolled off of her and they both saw the rolling snow headed towards them.  
  
"OH, SHIT!!!!!" They yelled together. Allegra scrambled to her feet and ran towards the caves. Halfway there she stopped and turned around, looking at a still horizontal Moby.  
  
"WELL?!" she screamed, "ARE YOU COMING?!"  
  
"What's in it for me? Are you going to make it worth my while?" Moby asked.  
  
"ARRRRRGHHH! DIE FOR ALL I CARE, YOU ONE MINDED, CHAUVANISTIC ENGLISH PIG!" Allegra screamed herself hoarse, watching the avalanche come closer.  
  
"Fine," Moby said, getting up. "But I'm only coming so the lady won't get all lonely and scared, and then feel obiliged to have sex with me afterwards. Or maybe during. Whatever floats her boat,"  
  
"YOU ARE INSUFFERABLE!!!!!!!! I CAN'T BELIVE I'M STANDING HERE YELLING AT YOU WHEN A AVANLANCHE OF SNOW IS GOING TO HIT US!!! GET IN THE FUCKING CAVE!! OR DO US ALL A FAVOUR AND STAY OUT HERE!" Allegra turned and ran.  
  
"Geez, don't start ovulating," Moby muttered, and pelted to the cave, reaching Allegra and pulling her into a fireman's lift on the way.  
  
Needless to say, Allegra wasn't to happy with that.  
  
"YOU MOTHERFU-"  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
"So you saved me because you wanted to kill me not the avalanche?"  
  
"YES NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SPOILT LITTLE BRAT!" Kaori shut up and followed her enemy through the caves she had been led into. It turned out Psymon's directions were well... just plain crap and that his sense of direction was the same as the brown stuff that came to Earth through Moby's ass. However, Kaori was polite and well brought up so kept her thoughts to herself thinking, [Ewwwww] Then again if it hadn't of been for Psymon, Tattoo boy and thier desire to kill her she would be dead.  
  
"Where are we going?" she asked.  
  
"We're walking through the caves, hoping to find another exit that isn't BLOCKED UP WITH SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Psymon yelled at her. Suddenly they heard voices. Psymon whipped around and shoved the brat in the shadows. "Stay there," he hissed at her, and went to beat the living piss out whoever it was. He rounded the corner and almost sunk his fist into the face of Elise, who was walking with a limp and was being supported by Griff.  
  
"What the fucking hell are you two doing here?" Pysmon growled.  
  
"We're on a picnic, what do you think?" Elise snapped.  
  
"Whoa. PMS," Pysmon muttered. Elise looked at him.  
  
"WHAT was that?" she asked. Griff shot a look up about another foot, at Psymon's face.  
  
"Elise is feeling a little cranky," he explained.  
  
"You don't say," Psymon said sarcastically. "IT'S OK, RUNT, YOU CAN COME OUT, IT'S JUST ELISE AND YOUR BOYFRIEND!!!"  
  
"Mac-kun!" Kaori said, stepping out of the shadows.  
  
"No, not that unic, the other one!" Psymon said, pointing to Griff.  
  
"Since when was Mac your boyfriend?" Elise asked Kaori, her brow furrowed in confusion. Kaori opened her mouth in shock and then closed it again.  
  
"He-er- he, um. . . . . isn't," She finished lamely.  
  
"Real smooth," Psymon said to her. Kaori noticed that Elise wsas hurt as she limped to a rock to sit on.  
  
"Elise! You're hurt!" Kaori said.  
  
"What gave me away? Was it the blood, or the limping, or just me in a bad, pain-filled mood?" Elise asked sarcastically.  
  
"Watch out, Squeaky. PMS Girl might bite your head off. You'll get that when you reach puberty," Psymon said. Kaori, uncharacteristicly, growled.  
  
"What happened to your leg, Elise?" Kaori asked, once she had gotten over growling at Psymon.  
  
"Griff's board was stuck on a boulder and the avalanche was on it's way, so I went to free him, but I got my leg scraped up getting into the cave," Elise explained.  
  
"So that way's blocked up as well?" Psymon asked. Elise nodded. "Shit. Does anyone know another way out of here? That was the only one I knew,"  
  
"Let's go this way," Kaori said, pointing down a dark tunnel that seemed to lead deeper under the mountain.  
  
"Err, let's not," Psymon said. And then he walked back the way he and Kaori came and into a new tunnel.  
  
"Should we follow him?" Griff asked.  
  
"Do we have a choice? He knows most of these tunnles and we don't," Elise snapped. Griff and Kaori helped her limp after Psymon, yelling obscenities at him.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Nomysp's angel: Ha ha how did you like our next chapter!?!?! Wasn't it great Please ignore my sarcasm!  
  
Faith456: Like we don't already.  
  
Nomysp's angel: THAT'S IT YOU STUPID NAIVE FUCKING BITCH!!!! I AM SICK TO FUCKING DEATH OF YOUR SARCASM!!! EVEN IN PE YOU THINK IT'S SOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY THAT I CAN PLAY BADMINTON AND YOU CAN'T!!!! HONESTLY ROT IN HELL!!!  
  
Faith456: EXCUSE ME?! You? Play badminton? *rolls around in fits of laughter* Me? Sarcasm? Shut the fuck up. YOU'RE THE MOST SARCASTIC PERSON I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Please ignore us and review. 


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